45. Radiotherapy

I hadn’t expected myself to be sat here, laptop open, awaiting my attention. For the past couple of months, my instructions have been to stay in the secret place, where the most incredible treasures have been revealed. But this morning came the clear direction; to pick the pen back up again. It’s now 3 months since the mastectomy and today marks the start of a 4 week period of daily radiotherapy and hyperbaric oxygen sessions.

On the drive to Dundee I reflected on this, the final heavy lifting part of the treatment required. In all honesty, I hadn’t expected it would ever get to this stage. In my heart, I had hoped and prayed for a different outcome. So what do you do, when you’ve believed for something, only to find it doesn’t materialise?

For me, I trust. Trust that a God who is far greater than anything I can comprehend, has a bigger plan, a deeper understanding and a perfect path for me to follow. Despite what my own rationale would want to say about the matter, my trust is the trust in His sovereignty.

The enemy can try his best with the killer question he tries to plant: the question of why this radiotherapy is even needed? But it’s a question I’ve made redundant in my vocabulary. I don’t need to know why – because my God does. And that’s enough for me.

'Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?

Isaiah 40:12 NIV

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Wheat field at sunset