36. Rest

Andy's favourite series of films includes Star Wars amongst its list. Needless to say, Jacob is now adopting a love for all things Obi Wan / C3PO! There's a pivotal moment in The Force Awakens, where the potential heroine, Ray, under fierce attack from the evil Kylo Ren is suddenly reminded of the power that exists within her. Despite feeling an overhwelming mighty onslaught, you can see the dawning of awareness reach her face and then her physiology, as she remembers the force that lies within. Buoyed by that reality, the recall of her identity delivers a surge of confidence, that brings a new level to her authority in the battle and ultimately, brings her victory in the fight. Whilst I'm not trying to super spritualise the merits of Star Wars, there is an uncanny resemblence to my own walk over the past few weeks.

A number of things have left me feeling on the defensive against the enemies attack and I have never needed spiritual discernment as much. Knowing what comes from God (all things that bring life) and what comes from the enemy (any thought with its root coming from fear) has been so critical. A few times I've felt on the ropes, but thanks to the Spirit of God living in me, the word and voice of truth has been able to penetrate, elevating my own level of spiritual confidence. This has given me the power I've needed, when I've needed it the most -arguably, on the precipice of the greatest round yet.

Next week is a crucible in this particular journey and the outcome will probably have a lasting effect on both my body and my life, one way or the other. Some have asked if I wish I were able to fast track into hearing the MRI results now. But there comes a point, where you know you've done all you can do and you know it's time to trust God with the outcome. I know His character and so right now, I am able to let go and simply rest. He knows the plan and that's good enough for me. Whatever that plan is, I know He'll give me everything I need to see it through.

I don't take this freedom lightly and some days require more pressing in than others. The long and short of it all is this: regardless of the circumstances, I know what is truth. My faith isn't based on what I need from God - it's based on who He is. It's not based on what I get - it's based on what I'm here to give. It's not based on what I see - it's based on what He's promised. There's not a day goes by, where I'm not eternally thankful for every drop of such grace.  

“I’m convinced: You can do anything and everything. Nothing and no one can upset your plans.
You asked, ‘Who is this muddying the water, ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?’
I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me, made small talk about wonders way over my head.

You told me, ‘Listen, and let me do the talking. Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.’
I admit I once lived by rumours of you; now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears!
I’m sorry—forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise! I’ll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumour.”

Job 42:2-6 MSG

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Wheat field at sunset