28. Trust

My first recollection coming round from the general anaesthetic yesterday was a raging thirst in my throat. An imposed fast of food and water before the port operation, meant I had gone without liquid for seven hours by the time I awoke. To put this in context, I’ve usually drunk 3 pints of water by 10am. Even now, 24 hours later, I still have a sore throat from the burning thirst this short spell lasted.

In conversation with God last night, I found myself thanking Him for all the times over years where circumstances have made me so thirsty for Him to bring breakthrough, particularly where those breakthroughs have been a long time coming. For through every situation, I have always come to see His timing, His purpose and His ways in such evidence. But more than that, they have brought ever new revelation and relationship with Him. Boy, am I grateful for that now. On every occasion, my thirst for His help has driven me ever deeper into Him. So much so, that I am always thankful for the problem afterwards.

This year, Andy and I will have our 20th wedding anniversary. As most people have, we’ve found ourselves in many different crisis situations over the years. Finances, relationships, jobs, health, children, business, heartfelt dreams and don’t even get me started on problems with houses! Sometimes God’s provided much needed water immediately, sometimes it’s been just a trickle at a time, but on many occasions, no matter how fervent my prayers, the drought has seemed to last a long, long time.

Yesterday, If I’d asked the surgeon for water mid-morning, he’d have denied that request - sometimes it seems God does the same. Over the years, time and again He’s shown me that whichever way a breakthrough comes, it’s always because He knows what’s good for me in the long run. Just as I felt the relieving bliss of water in my dry mouth yesterday afternoon, when breakthrough finally arrives, if we’ve gone without, we are so much more thankful when it finally arrives. Even though it can be hard, when we don’t receive an immediate quenching of our thirst, it makes our dependency, desire and determination for God’s mighty hand even greater. And that’s one reason why a crisis can be good.

Tomorrow I am due to start immuno-therapy, yet many of you know I’ve been believing for a miracle to prevent the necessity for that. ‘Aren’t you disappointed God hasn’t come through?’ some may say. How can I be, when I know He has my best interest at heart? When total healing does finally come, the raging thirst for His answer will finally abate. But the burning fire of where He’s taken me to in Him through this process will never ever leave me. And that my friends, is a gift worth waiting for.


‘For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.’

Isaiah 43:19 NLT


Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and decisions and how unfathomable and untraceable are His ways!

Romans 11:33 AMP

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Wheat field at sunset